#85 How to say “no” more
Do you ever say “yes” when you’d rather say “no”?
Dr. Vanessa Patrick studies this common struggle. As she explains in The Power of Saying No, and this podcast, our social nature makes it hard to say “no,” since “yes” feels expected.
Patrick’s research reveals that agreeing to things we don’t want can leave us feeling resentful and disappointed in ourselves. Conversely, saying “no” boosts confidence and gives us a sense of control.
Patrick recommends several ways to say “no,” including:
𝘚𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘤 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 –delay your response by saying “let me get back to you,” so you don’t say “yes” when under pressure.
𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘴 – share guiding rules, like “I don’t lend money to friends.
𝘌𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘢𝘭𝘴 – say “I don’t” instead of “I can’t,” and tie it to your identity, e.g., “I don’t take meetings between 6–8 pm because I aim to be a really ‘present’ parent.”